candu! kalian CANDU!

Lelah..badan saya sebenarnya sudah capek setengah mati.
Tapi membayangkan senyum anak-anak yang minta digambari tubuhnya,
celoteh dan protes mereka mengalahkan keletihan jiwa.
Lalu ada seorang gadis mungil bernama Tasya, dia begitu sabar menunggu saya menggambari lengannya. Maklum, tercoret terus karena dia sedang cegukan.
Itulah candu pertama.

Suara berimbau, dentuman atabaque, kencringan pandeiro dan lengkingan coro memanggil-manggil.
Aaaahhh nothing beats a great roda!
e jogo praticado na terra de jakarta!
Itulah candu kedua kemarin.

Candu ketiga saya pilih untuk tidak mengambilnya, karena resiko ketagihan paling tinggi.

midnight romantic

My bro and his bride sure looks DAMN CUTE! Their cutey nick : ninita & muffin (as i read in her mobile's wallpaper). Surveying them in this past few days has brought back an unforgetable romantic scene from a certain movie.

scene setting : on a jetty in a very windy day
man1 : The truth is I-i i like you, I’ve never expected a Thunderbolt.
I’ve always just hope that I’ll meet some nice friendly girl.
Like the look of her, hope when she look at me doesn’t make her physically sick.
Then pop her the question
Settle down be happy
Works for my parents
Well, now that they’re divorced.
man2 was just listening patiently.
This line is also used in the soundtrack as an opening for a song, it was a cover version but was sung perfectly by a group who was famous in the 80's.The soundtrack is as good as the movie, where I first learn the word : bugga! Now I want to sit on my cozy couch and repeat that bugga scene...

well,this is not necessarily a quiz, but the reward still on.

merindukan romantika subuh-subuh sambil mengajak berjudi (akibat nuansa romantis pernikahan yang lagi musim)

Karena flu yang kurang ajar, hari Selasa kemarin, saya tertidur seharian. Menyebabkan jam 4 pagi masih segar bugar ceria. Maka saya memutuskan untuk membereskan koleksi dvd. Dari sekian ratus keping, hanya beberapa yang orisinil (Citizen Kane, Casino Royale dan beberapa judul film Stephen Chow). Dari beratus, ada satu film lawas yang menarik perhatian saya, sejujurnya bukan salah satu film terbagus yang pernah saya lihat. Tapi dalam film ini ada satu adegan teromantis yang pernah saya tonton. Saking nempelnya, sampai saya ingat detil setting dan kata2 yang terucap dari Jerry, tokoh dalam film itu.

Ceritanya gini nihhh: mereka (sepasang aktor kondang berat papan atas gaya bebas Hollywood) lagi dikejar-kejar segala akronim badan-badan penting pemerintahan Paman Sam. Terus pas berhenti di stasiun subway, mereka berdebat tentang sesuatu yang gak penting. Ujug-ujug gerujug :
Guy : I Love you
Girl : WHAT? (ya iya lah gak sesuai konteks perdebatan, laki-laki memang aneh)
Guy:I've resolve to call you up a thousand times a day
and ask you if you'll marry me, in some old fashion way. (reciting from the Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic")
Girl : But, that's a song lyric...
Guy : but that's what i feel right now.It's not LOVE, it's GERONIMO. You can free fall from the top of empire state because love can give you wings.

Kemudian setelah mengulang adegan tersebut 5 kali, saya ketiduran.

hayoo adegan ini dari film apa? orang pertama yang menjawab dengan tepat dan cermat lagipula tangkas akan saya traktir ngupi di bakoel koffie! (HIDUP waralaba LOKAL!)

homage to biyu

Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
I have, and it still comes adherently everytime I need it (well sometimes it loves to play in neighboring galaxy, so take some seconds to conjure at my side). It's not a girl nor a boy, because since I believe in gender equality since I was 4. Call me psycho-chick, but biyu has been my oldest and bestest friend so far! Most of the times Biyu got wacky yet wise answers to my problems.
Biyu has a special nick for me, which always soothes me whenever heard that.
I've just found Biyu's sidekick deep down in a discarded box in my mom's room, Prince Hopeful Blankie! Basically it's a patchwork (mainly in light green colour) blanket I use during kindergarten - primary school period.

Other humanistic imaginary friends can be revisited here : http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/tv_shows/fosters/
Biyu is more or less looks like the character Bloo in that series.
If you want to see what Biyu's looks like,kindly give me your e-mail address. Then I'll send it's full profile, just in case you'll bump into each other on the street of thought.

understanding bitchiness

Watching Friends reruns actually wasn't my good idea of passing time. However this episode was really worth watching http://www.friends-tv.org/zz315.html . In that episode I used to hate Rachel for being such a bitch to Ross who were ultra-sweet brought her dinner to her office. Eventually, I've understand that bitchiness DOES needed at certain times.
It's funny how time can change your perspective on things. I used to despise any form of bitchiness. I thought it was inappropriate to treat people in a bitchy way.

However, one of my new year's resolution (apart of being more narcisstic) is to be more bitchy. Mind you,those two resolutions were my best friends suggestions because I didn't have any idea whatsoever. Me being too nice all the time also add to their comments. Well, it shouldn't be too hard to be a bit bitchy,shouldn't it?
Turned out,IT IS HARD!
but, i'll do my best.
perhaps this book can help me.


So far, nobody has complains of my bitchiness (perhaps I have to add the dosage?)

o yeah, this Friends's episode also display a perfect moment for my beach song (the tune i'll always sing on the shore) :

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live

With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you giveAnd you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you giveAnd you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you

I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

written by Bono sung by U2

kalo kata Rene:" BINATANG MOTOR"

Sebelumnya saya meminta maaf untuk para pembaca yang menggunakan sepeda motor sebagai alat transportasi utama dalam bersirkulasi. Saya tidak bermaksud menyinggung perasaan siapapun.

Malam ini saya mendapat pengalaman tak terlupakan akan kekasaran seorang pengendara. (kok jadi kayak surat pembaca Kompas?) Kebetulan saya sedang menyetir di jantung jakarta, Jl Hayam Wuruk tepatnya, setelah menemani seorang sobat makan bubur.
Pas lagi macet-macetnya tiba-tiba ada sebuah motor lewat menyalip dengan cepat dari kiri (dikiranya dia di Seattle apa?). Segera saya mengerem mendadak tepat pada waktunya sebelum mengenai badan motor tersebut.

Apa yang terjadi ?
Pengendara tersebut marah BESAR!
Dia menggebrak dua kali kap mobil yang saya kendarai sambil memaki-maki. Saya sudah siap melepas sabuk pengaman, tetapi mengingat keadaan jalan,kelihatannya tidak mungkin saya roda dia saat itu juga.(pada saat emosi, tendangan juga sulit untuk diarahkan, jadi nggak efektif)
Lagipula gadis yang membonceng di belakang pengendara itu menariknya sekuat tenaga, saya jadi tidak tega.
Lalu saya hanya menghela napas, memberi gestur minta maaf. (menunjukkan kedua telapak tangan ke bapak tersebut)

Lalu apa yang dia lakukan ?
Dia meludahi kaca mobil saya, lalu kabur.
Kalo kata Panji Koming,"HWRAKADAH!".

29 years and still going strong!

papah dan mamah (Galeri Neka,Ubud 2002)

Contoh sekoteng yang hangat.
Mereka hingga detik ini tidak pernah berhenti membuat saya tercengang.
Kok ya masih mesra aja?
Dengan beda umur 27 tahun, dan kesenangan yang amat berbeda (yang satu leyeh-leyeh dan yang satu hobi berdansa). Apalagi sifat, sama-sama sekeras pualam. Trik untuk menyelaraskan dua manusia yg keras kepala : mengalah pada saat yang tepat, dan saya baru menyadarinya setelah 27 tahun hidup bersama mereka.

Sejak dari TK saya sering menyombongkan Mamanda sebagai Ibu tercantik sejagat. Terbukti kemudian ada teman yang menyamakan dia dengan Cher,walaupun menurut saya kecantikan dan keanggunannya setara dengan Maggie Cheung dalam "In The Mood for Love". Yang jelas Mamanda adalah salah satu sosok yang tak terlupakan.
Sejak dari TK juga, saya menyegani Papanda. Pendidikan zaman penjajahan yang streng (bayangkan nama sekolahnya masih dalam bahasa Jepun), membuat dirinya bertindak keras pada anak-anaknya. Sekarang umur dan penyakit (mengapa badan harus lekang oleh waktu?), jauh lebih melunakkan dirinya. Sehingga saya harus bersiap-siap menangkapnya dari belakang, jikalau kakinya tak kuat lagi menopang.

Saya senang sekali memotret punggung mereka , karena selama ini hanya mampu mendorong dari belakang. Belum saatnya memandang mereka dari depan sambil menunjukkan pencapaian hidup. Selain itu dari segi estetis kok ya bisa menimbulkan efek yang lebih melankolis.


mamanda dan papanda (Singapore Botanical Garden,Des 2004)

Semoga jalan mereka masih panjaaaaaaaang!

Kebo Giro Vs. Kodok Ngorek

foto cpp 26 tahun yang lalu, sama sekali tidak jawir!

Buat yang tidak faham bahasa Jawa, tidak perlulah bertanya-tanya apa arti "Giro" (tidak ada hubungannya dengan pos) dan "ngorek", karena tidah terlalu penting. Semalam saya terkantuk-kantuk (yang menurut Mamanda ngisin-ngisini), dalam rapat kawinan yang penuh dengan basa-basi. Secara pribadi saya tidak perduli apakah kostum yang dipakai nanti Jogya atau Solo, prosesi di gedung memakai lagu Kebo atau Kodok, acara panggih mesti pakai tumplek punjen atau tumplek blek. Tetapi sebagai bagian dari keluarga, saya harus ikut duduk di situ, mendengarkan perdebatan para pinisepuh.

Saya ragu para calon pengantin tahu apa arti dari simbol-simbol yang diwakili setiap detik upacara adat yang njelimet itu. Sebaiknya mungkin diterbitkan semacam buku pegangan, sehingga mereka mahfum tentang apa saja yang mesti mereka hadapi (selain menyetir bahtera perkawinan). Bukan hanya para sepuh yang tahu. Karena (seharusnya) ini bukan hanya prosesi untuk memamerkan "kejawaan" semata.

"Jawa itu Kunci", kata pentolan PKI Aidit. Karena menjadi kunci itukah maka sebagai orang Jawa harus memamerkan dan menggarisbawahi kejawaan seseorang? Apakah darah Jawa yang mengalir dalam tubuh membuat lebih superior dari yang lain? Emak saya sering mewanti-wanti, "Pokoknya yang penting, kamu mesti dapet orang Jawa", ke anak- anaknya. Dengan alasan utama kaum lelaki dan perempuan Jawa memiliki unggah-ungguh yang tak dapat diungguli ras lain. Walaupun pada kenyataannya fakta ini tidak benar.

Penekanan pada kata Jawa adalah pokok dan penting ditambah dengan repetisi kalimat tersebut 10 tahun terakhir, membentuk semacam pemberontakan dalam diri saya.
"Kenapa HARUS Jawa?", adalah reaksi dari kalimat represif Mamanda tersebut, ditambah dengan preferensi oriental saya yang tidak ndak njawani. Bertahun-tahun saya berusaha melawan dan membuktikan bahwa Jawa tidaklah super duper. Entah alam bawah sadar atau sistem cuci otak secara represif, atau doa seorang Ibu (yang katanya amat tokcer) membuat saya menyadari perbedaan lelaki Jawa dengan yang lain. Ternyata kehangatan yang familiar seperti sekoteng mungkin yang menyulut.

Perdebatan mereka masih berlanjut hinggat larut, dan rasa kantuk saya semakin akut.

Untung saja akhirnya Mamanda menyingkirkan saya untuk mengobrol dengan "anaknya Tante X",walaupun akhirnya kami sama-sama mengantuk dan sepakat untuk terkantuk-kantuk bersama di pojok.

seized by midnight shower

hey rain
will you do me a favour?

Please keep falling tonight,
for I have been trying to sleep
with all of my might.

but my thoughts just keep me wide awake.

Please
oh please dillute this sorrow,
for my heart just could not stand any further.

Please keep falling until dawn,
so I would miss that sunny smile.

Please keep falling until daylight,
so I would share this pain parasol.

but,
please do stop in the afternoon.
so I can catch a glimpse of
any rainbow who hides under the blue sky.

goda janda muda soda duda

Sebenernya menyenangkan banget jalan kaki ke mana-mana. Banyak yang bisa didengar, dilihat dan jadi semacam meditasi (tapi bergerak terus) dan yah standar lah, olah raga juga.
Tapi satu hal yang PALING menyebalkan dari berjalan kaki adalah mulut laki-laki!
Heran deh.
Ngapain juga mesti berkomentar atau bersiul-siul ?
Lo kate gue cucakrawa?
COBA YAA?!!
Udah gitu kan gue gak bisa nahan ketawa orangnya, jadi kalo digodain cengar-cengir salting gak penting gitu.Malah jadi makin menjadi deh goda goda duda tongkrongan.

Ada 2 godaan yang tak terlupakan :

dago, 96an
"Neng, sehat neng?"
(saat itu gue gak tau mesti ketawa ato tersinggung ato malah ngejawab : "Sehat Kang")

Sydney, des 01
Suiiit suiwww "Hey Girl!"
(ternyata bukan kebiasaan lelaki Indonesia aja...)

Godaan-godaan ini kemudian mengingatkan akan sebentuk oknum "M" yang memiliki teknik khusus (walaupun belum terbukti keberhasilannya). Dengan logat Tapanuli sekental kopi tubruk dia akan berteriak, "Sini Neng,Mari Abang sedot bibir kau"

moral note of this week : don't easily disagree toward others

One of my sweetest friend said something that I denied this Wednesday.
She said,
" We are independent women who's not dependent in our environment.BUT deep down inside we still need a man to hang on to" .
I said "yeah.." but deep down inside I didn't agree..since my best friends are amazingly wonderful.
Until the next day...
I have to admit that she was downright true...
well, not entirely, I was only need a shoulder to cry on. (Damned! how I LOATHE being in the state like this)
A virtual one is enough for now, since i know i can't ask for more.

YEAH! independent WOMEN ROCKS!
(gratitute for an elephant handler who seems to have a sorethroat)

there you have it! you SUPERFICIAL BEINGS!!

I've always got sick and tired from comments by my male counterparts about women's body. Their superficiality sometimes gets soo sickening, that I wish to do a meia lua or queixada straight into their brain. That should fix them into place alrite.. Human males seem to have certain standard that has-to-be-fullfilled by their spouse (or their object of affection, so to speak). Such as certain colour of skin (the paler the better), certain length of hair (shoulder or bra strap length), certain weight (this is VERY crucial), certain body shape (as long as is thin), etc...

One of my male friend, he's quite heavy indeed, keep complaining about his spouse's weight. Another, always beg his girl to keep shoulder length straight hair. In other case, comparing women's chest's size. (for Heaven's sake !! it's only numbers and silly alphabets! so what if I'm 34 C?) Men also put double standards against "good looking chick" and "ugly chick" . They tend to treat better looking one with more respect and care. Well, not tend, ALWAYS (this came from confessions by some guys). They always willing to sacrifice some time to do chores or things for good-looking-ones, and reluctant to spare minutes with ugly ones. Thank Goodness I'm still considered as in between.

So, after years being subject of judgement...FINALLY, a (rather stupid tv show) judge MEN for their buffiness and (yeah right) brain and attitude. Mind you, the judges have quite good taste, since they all look so good. 6 packs, great eyes and grade 8 flirtatious ability...Compare to other show (something about supermodel search) that involves pretty, (some of them) smart, and really know about modelling, those male-supermodel-search contestants are..well..ummmm very ignorant about modelling. However, they all look devilishly irressistible with those cK's undies.

Ooops..I'm downgrading myself into a superficial swine as well...
hell i don't care, my fave won anyway...here's Jon, a surfer and astro*s'thing* student

so HAPPY TOGETHER!

Soo delighted that I finally got a hold on this movie!(afterall these years) muito obrigada garoto!

Again...Wong Kar Wai mesmerized me with his ability to parade picturesque moments.Thus the way he uses music, I was really suprised to hear Zappa's voice in that movie! And at last ! He used "Happy Together" in that movie as a theme song.(or the theme song was the stringy thingy?the one who plays when Iguazu waterfalls comes to screen?) The cinematography was also a "WOW" issue. Mr Wong and the cinematographer, just can't stop to serve delicacies for our eyes. Another thought that's fanstastic, is when Leung's character view another part of the earth (which exactly under where he stood) up-side down. The issues in this movie are applicable to any couple in this mortal world.

memorable quotes from "Happy Together" :

"All Lonely People are the Same"

that surely true.

Although it's a bit obssessive, I think staring at someone you care about (and loathe at the same time) when he/she's sleeping it's ultra-romantic. Yeah, we can be tres heureux during saddest time. Can't we?

"You See Better When You Listen"

That statement by Chang's (so darn cute in addition) character, also demands more attention from me.
In this sickening world of superficiality,when people only judge others from the surface.
We ought to listen more...to dig deep beyond those layered surface that hid gems inside every individual.

Gay or straight, Tony Leung still sexy anyway.(he looks berry berry iressistible in white undies)

KTP = Kartu Tidak Penting ? dan nona cicichimenk

Senang sekali rasanya berjumpa kembali dengan sobat lama! Kami sudah bertahun-tahun berteman, tapi karena kebuasan Batavia, terakhir kami bertemu sekitar setahun yang lalu. Biasanya perjumpaan kami diakhiri dengan mengunjungi kampus Ganesha malam-malam, terus jajan Jet Li. Kebersamaan dengan Nona Maryam Suciyati (yeah baby, afterall these years, I still remember your full name!! For the sake of getting thru those security people) menyangkut begadang nemenin orang ngerjain tugas, dansa dansi gila2an di fancy night, curhat sampe bego di mana2...
Nona ini makin psychic aja. Dia amat terperanjat ketika terkena "mikro-angket" saya,yaitu menanyakan pada orang2,NIM mereka. Ya, betul, Nomer Ijin Mandi! eh bukan, Nomer Induk Mahasiswa. Karena 2 minggu sebelumnya, ujug-ujug dia ingin menghapal NIM kembali. Karena dia punya firasat seseorang bakal menanyakannya.

Fakta yang menarik, ada angkatan 99 yang sudah lupa, ada angkatan 91 yang masih ingat!! Mikroket (mikro angket) ini dibuat karena rasa penasaran saya. Apakah orang2 mampu mengingat nomer KTPnya? ternyata tidak ada yg ingat. RT/RW aja nggak ada yg inget. Padahal bukankah nomer ini digunakan untuk mengidentifikasikan diri kita?Secara KTP adalah ID card yg sah. Seperti Social Security Number milik warga Paman Sam, bukankah seharusnya kita menghapal nomernya? Tapi untuk NIM, rata2 masih mengingatnya dengan sempurna.

Secara pribadi, saya TIDAK SUKA pada secarik kertas berlaminating ini.Karena 1 kolom yang amat sangat pribadi sifatnya.Setelah setahun tidak memilikinya, sekarang (dengan amat sangat berat hati) terpaksa harus membuat lagi.

HAH! i'm not that silly little person I used to be!

one of the greatest torcher is longing for someone who, clearly, doesn't loves you.

I've never consider it was a torcher though,until today.

One of my best pal, just gave me a testimonial, about this book. First the title just stabbed me, in addition, he said this book is sooo me! Then during lunch i've watched Oprah. God Gracious Me! She was interviewing the authors! Is this a sign that i have to vanish my delirium?

It's true that men just can't say straight-forwardly that "I'm not interested in you" or "I don't want to commit". They simply use signs that can't be interpreted by us, women.

Now i don't want him to treat me as a shirt that maybe he can wear later. Because, if he doesn't wear it now, he'll never !

SINGLE AND in-questionable-relationship GIRLS SHOULD READ THIS!

MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU--Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

2047-Spectacular Shigeru !

I've been listening to 2046's soundtracks lately,and realised (well thanks to looong bery-bery worthy conversation with Hazel and Sisi) that every character in the movie has his/her own song in it.
Siboney...with Zhang Zi Yi's long stare at Mr.Chow (who seems to get all the laydeeehz). By the way, Nana Mouskori's version is worth listening too.
Adagio ...with Faye's desperation to meet Takeshi or just to read his oh-so-lovely letters...
that opera piece that cuts my heart (and mr.chow's too) whenever Faye's got scolded by her dad.
The Christmas song...another song to illustrate Zhang's unrequited love which linger among christmas dinners and passionate intercourse.

This very moment I'm listening to Lost over and over again.A fine match for my recent feeling,since i feel very-very lost indeed.

I shall dig my soundtracks collection....Hello again Dave Grusin, James Newton Howard,Ennio Morricone and the whole gang!

codet

Sebenarnya siapa sih kamu?
Hanya seorang lelaki yang kutemui sekelebat saja.
Kali kita berjumpa bisa dihitung dengan sebelah tangan belaka.
Jarak kita bukan sebelah rumah
atau sebelah kompleks
atau sebelah kota
atau sebelah negara
tapi sebelah benua.
Katamu,"biarlah semua berjalan dengan sewajarnya".
kemudian kau beriku puisi.
kemudian kau menimbang-nimbang...
kemudian kau memutuskan untuk pergi.
Dasar!

Jadi.
Mungkin saja kamu tidak nyata.
Mungkin apa yang pernah kita rasakan tidak nyata.

atau memang kita tidak pernah merasakan apa-apa?